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The Family Dynamics of Caring for an Aging Parent

A famous author once wrote, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: A rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” I’d add ailing parent to that list. There are few situations as stressful as caring for a loved one, especially if you never thought you’d be the one caring for them. Maybe you thought your dad would take care of your mom but he passed away unexpectedly. Or your sister always said she’d do it, but she’s now busy with three young children. Or, if you’re like most of...

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Eating and Aging

My great-grandfather was a feisty Italian who lived in Malden. I was a teenager when he died, but there are three things I remember most about him: He drove his Lincoln Mach V 60 mph in the breakdown lane during rush hour, he had great stories about his career as an architect in Boston (back when almost every project had historical significance), and he stockpiled Meals on Wheels deliveries in his freezer because he was afraid he’d one day run out of food.

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Letting Go of Traditions

When you ask people about their holiday plans, the answer usually comes with the lead-in, “We always”: “We always go to midnight mass.” “We always host a big dinner.” “We always make latkes and enjoy them with our extended family.” If you’re caring for someone who’s ill or aging, the words, “We always,” can bring on a lot of stress. Oftentimes, the traditions you’ve always upheld won’t be possible. Your mom won’t be able to make it to church, your dad won’t feel up to a big family dinner, or you won’t be able to host your annual party. “We...

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How's Dad Doing?

After my husband’s dad moved from Swampscott to Florida, we only saw him four times a year. I like to think we traded quick weekly breakfasts at Red’s Diner for long, quality weeks together by the pool. He got to know his Florida-based grandson like he never would have, and because we stayed with him, he got to wake up with our kids (who were both under the age of 4) and spend hours watching them splash in the pool and dismantle his house — hours and overnights he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed here and we were in different houses. Those visits were memorable and wonderful, but they were also tough, especially Day 1.

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The Conversations We Wish We'd Had

About a year ago last summer, my husband, his siblings, and I sat around our kitchen table having the conversation we’d long avoided—how to care for Dad. Like most people who end up sitting at this table, we had a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. We Googled things like home care and visiting nurses, debated how to take his driver’s license away, and fretted about how we’d bring it up to him. Little did we know, our conversation that night was futile, because Dad had already passed away—alone in his home, as we feared he might....

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