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FirstLight client Paula M., with caregiver Cynthia

When is it Okay to Lie?

[caption id="attachment_138" align="alignnone" width="194"] Is ever okay to lie -- even if it saves someone's feelings?[/caption] My son Max gave me a seedling for Mother’s Day. I was supposed to plant it in the garden once it grew big enough, but instead it’s been sitting on a plate on our porch for months, looking more and more scraggly. I feel guilty every time I look at it. So, a few days ago, in a fit of cleaning spontaneity, I tossed the plant in the trash. Of course that’s the day Max went looking for it—the flower he hasn’t glanced at...

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Featured image for post When A Loved One Says  ‘I Want to Go Home’

When A Loved One Says ‘I Want to Go Home’

[caption id="attachment_648" align="alignnone" width="300"] Sometimes, the "home" people ask for isn't the one they moved from last year; it's the one they grew up in.[/caption] I sat down with a resident at a memory care facility recently, and, within seconds, she asked me if I’d take her home. For me, a stranger, I could ask the question, “Where do you live?” and distract her with questions about her home, but distraction doesn’t come as easily for family members, who often feel sad, frustrated, and even guilty when the repeated theme of “going home” comes up. Going home and getting out...

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Featured image for post When Your Loved One Has Alzheimer’s

When Your Loved One Has Alzheimer’s

We have a family friend I’ll call Judy. Judy was a secretary for decades but could have been an MBA if she grew up in a time and place where women went to business school. She is the most organized person I’ve ever met, and one of the smartest—she’s done taxes for several complicated businesses and is a crossword puzzle Jedi. She’s also one of sweetest people I know—even when she’s trumping us at Scrabble—and I’m pretty sure anyone who’s ever met her would agree with me. Judy’s become increasingly forgetful in the last five years and especially so in...

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Featured image for post Getting Seniors to Exercise All Year Round

Getting Seniors to Exercise All Year Round

[caption id="attachment_619" align="alignnone" width="300"] Exercise at all ages is important and can have a significant positive effect on aging.[/caption] For the last year or so, my husband has been meeting his childhood friend for a weekly 3-mile run. They’re pretty consistent—running outside through most any weather—and in October, they ran a local race together. To anyone in town who sees them, it’s just two guys out for a run. And it is—except his running buddy lives at an assisted living facility and was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s several years ago. Not every person who is sick or aging will be...

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Featured image for post Moving Out of the Family Home

Moving Out of the Family Home

My husband still describes the day he helped his father move out of his long-time home as one of the worst days of his life. It’s a bit dramatic, coming from someone who’s experienced other losses and frustration much greater than a day of moving, but I’m guessing his dad would probably describe the day similarly. Out of respect for his father, we mostly stayed out of the coordination of the move, other than to advise him on whom he should call for certain tasks. So, when we showed up at his house on that last day, expecting items to...

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Featured image for post Long-Distance Caregiving

Long-Distance Caregiving

When you have a sick or aging loved one, living just five miles away can feel like “long distance,” so what do you do if hundreds of miles separate you? After my husband’s dad moved to Florida in the last years of his life, we learned the challenges of a long-distance relationship. We’d call and get no answer for days in a row (usually because his phone had died), he’d fall and we’d hear about it later, and because we didn’t see him on a day-to-day basis, it seemed like there was significant decline at every visit. We were lucky...

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BBB Accredited Business

Living a Purpose-Filled Life at Any Age

[caption id="attachment_113" align="alignnone" width="263"] Perhaps nothing gives seniors a purpose like grandchildren.[/caption] Of all the things that baffled us about our dad’s (my dad-in-law’s) behavior in the last few years of his life, there’s one thing that stands out most of all. It wasn’t that he started freezing all his food (including his butter) or sleeping in a chair every night. It was that he stopped doing crossword puzzles. Crossword puzzles were a mainstay in his house after his wife died of cancer in 1991. He had a special clipboard for the weekly puzzle, a favorite pencil, and seemed to...

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Featured image for post Checklist For Keeping You and Your Loved Ones Safe at Home

Checklist For Keeping You and Your Loved Ones Safe at Home

Talk to just about anyone and they’ll tell you they want to stay in their own homes as they age, which is why it’s surprising how few people take steps to ensure their homes are safe and suitable for aging. Oftentimes, people aren’t willing to make even small changes to their homes to make them friendly for aging—and then they end up having to move out because they’re no longer safe in their homes. That’s why we recommend you make changes to your home early to prevent you or your loved one from having to relocate later. When we meet...

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Featured image for post How to Be a Good Friend in the Face of Illness

How to Be a Good Friend in the Face of Illness

[caption id="attachment_78" align="alignnone" width="300"] We all need that friend who's willing to sit by our side at the hospital or visit us at home when we're taking care of a loved one.[/caption] A friend once told me that she no longer visits a family member with Alzheimer’s because “it’s too hard on him not to remember me.” While there may be truth to this statement, I’m guessing it’s harder on her not to be remembered. Death and illness bring on a slew of negative feelings—sadness, fear, guilt, discomfort—and it’s not always easy to be a good friend with all those...

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