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When is it Okay to Lie?

[caption id="attachment_138" align="alignnone" width="194"] Is ever okay to lie -- even if it saves someone's feelings?[/caption] My son Max gave me a seedling for Mother’s Day. I was supposed to plant it in the garden once it grew big enough, but instead it’s been sitting on a plate on our porch for months, looking more and more scraggly. I feel guilty every time I look at it. So, a few days ago, in a fit of cleaning spontaneity, I tossed the plant in the trash. Of course that’s the day Max went looking for it—the flower he hasn’t glanced at...

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Getting Seniors to Exercise All Year Round

[caption id="attachment_619" align="alignnone" width="300"] Exercise at all ages is important and can have a significant positive effect on aging.[/caption] For the last year or so, my husband has been meeting his childhood friend for a weekly 3-mile run. They’re pretty consistent—running outside through most any weather—and in October, they ran a local race together. To anyone in town who sees them, it’s just two guys out for a run. And it is—except his running buddy lives at an assisted living facility and was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s several years ago. Not every person who is sick or aging will be...

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Long-Distance Caregiving

When you have a sick or aging loved one, living just five miles away can feel like “long distance,” so what do you do if hundreds of miles separate you? After my husband’s dad moved to Florida in the last years of his life, we learned the challenges of a long-distance relationship. We’d call and get no answer for days in a row (usually because his phone had died), he’d fall and we’d hear about it later, and because we didn’t see him on a day-to-day basis, it seemed like there was significant decline at every visit. We were lucky...

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Going to the Doctor With Dad

In my previous life, I was a healthcare journalist. Everyday, I interviewed hospital CEOs, nurse managers, and patient safety officers, often asking what we as patients could do to ensure better care. Hands down, the most cited tip I heard was, “Bring someone else to your doctor appointments.” No matter our age, we all risk missing important information at the doctor, but for seniors, that risk is even greater. If you have an aging loved one, accompany him to the doctor. And if you live too far away to do it yourself, hire someone to do it for you. “Accompany”...

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Living a Purpose-Filled Life at Any Age

[caption id="attachment_113" align="alignnone" width="263"] Perhaps nothing gives seniors a purpose like grandchildren.[/caption] Of all the things that baffled us about our dad’s (my dad-in-law’s) behavior in the last few years of his life, there’s one thing that stands out most of all. It wasn’t that he started freezing all his food (including his butter) or sleeping in a chair every night. It was that he stopped doing crossword puzzles. Crossword puzzles were a mainstay in his house after his wife died of cancer in 1991. He had a special clipboard for the weekly puzzle, a favorite pencil, and seemed to...

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The Importance of Being Realistic About Aging

A friend of mine has a six-year-old daughter who is a born caregiver. She’s that rare child, who at an early age, is able to sense pain or sadness in others. She notices when friends don’t feel good or when her sister is sad. She’s at my son’s side with ice packs and cool cloths before I even notice he’s fallen off his bike. When Dad rubs his temples, she offers him a head rub. When Mom gets sick, she’s makes a cup of tea. This little girl is wonderful and will undoubtedly grow up to be a caregiver to...

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Caring for a Loved One: You are not alone

[caption id="attachment_77" align="alignnone" width="300"] Sometimes, it helps just to know we're not alone. [/caption] I admit that one of the driving motivations behind starting this column (and one of the reasons we launched our home care business) was guilt—guilt over not always making the right decision or feeling the right way or saying the right things as we dealt with aging and illness in our own family. When I started writing this blog, I hoped I’d be able to provide some tips for people dealing with some of the issues we dealt with and perhaps help them initiate conversations that...

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Checklist For Keeping You and Your Loved Ones Safe at Home

Talk to just about anyone and they’ll tell you they want to stay in their own homes as they age, which is why it’s surprising how few people take steps to ensure their homes are safe and suitable for aging. Oftentimes, people aren’t willing to make even small changes to their homes to make them friendly for aging—and then they end up having to move out because they’re no longer safe in their homes. That’s why we recommend you make changes to your home early to prevent you or your loved one from having to relocate later. When we meet...

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How to Be a Good Friend in the Face of Illness

[caption id="attachment_78" align="alignnone" width="300"] We all need that friend who's willing to sit by our side at the hospital or visit us at home when we're taking care of a loved one.[/caption] A friend once told me that she no longer visits a family member with Alzheimer’s because “it’s too hard on him not to remember me.” While there may be truth to this statement, I’m guessing it’s harder on her not to be remembered. Death and illness bring on a slew of negative feelings—sadness, fear, guilt, discomfort—and it’s not always easy to be a good friend with all those...

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Should Dad Move In?

Before my father-in-law passed away two years ago, we had the same debate many families have: Should Dad move in with us? He was struggling to live alone in Florida, feeling homesick for Swampscott, and we were here in a two-family home seemingly built for in-laws. For my husband, it seemed like the perfect arrangement. I wasn’t convinced. It’s another of the many guilts I have related to the eventual death of Dad—how could I not want him to live with us? The thing was, as perfect as the set-up seemed, I knew it wouldn’t be perfect. My father-in-law’s mental...

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